Helping Your Child With Their Mental Health
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It was World Mental Health Day on 10th October, so there’s been much in the press about mental health this past week, so I’d really like to focus on the children and how the past 18 months has affected them.
The world can be a big, scary place at the best of times for our little ones. Throw in a pandemic and throw out all the routines and things they hold dear, then you might have a somewhat scared and confused child in your hands.
Although my little boy wasn’t aware of what was going on, he was affected in so many ways. He only saw the four walls of our home (plus our walks around the local neighbourhood) for months on end. His swimming lessons and baby classes were cancelled. We even pushed his nursery start date back by several months. I was very aware that he had very little socialisation with other children for months and this showed when he did finally get out into the big world. He was a very nervous and clingy toddler and it’s taken him almost a year to become the confident child he is today. I think there’s a lot to be said for taking social emotional learning seriously.
I’ve heard first-hand from friends the dramatic effects the lockdowns have had on older children. Many of whom are still struggling as things are getting back to normal. There’s an awful lot we as adults can do to help our little ones traverse through this tricky time, so it doesn’t leave them confused and alone.
Practice Listening
As adults, it’s hard to listen to everything a child wants to tell us. Children have little understanding of the cogs that turn to make life happen and they just want to tell you what they want, at the time that suits them. It’s important to practice listening and really mean it. Whatever your child is telling you might seem small or insignificant but to them, it could be the biggest thing in their day. If they feel like they are being dismissed or not taken seriously, they may feel undervalued.
I once heard a quote saying if you don’t listen to the little things that your child tells you, they may not come to you with the big things.
It’s also very important to acknowledge any worries or concerns that your child has and not dismiss them. I’ve been reading The Whole Brain Child and they make an excellent point about the way you acknowledge what your child is telling you. So rather than just telling them not to be afraid of the monster in the cupboard. It’s important to tell them that you understand they might feel a bit scared now, but there’s isn’t a monster in the cupboard. It makes the child feel that they are being heard and understood.
Stability
I think one of the key ways to help a child who might be feeling a bit out of kilter, is to create a stable environment. Children love and thrive on routine. That’s why many of them struggled when learning moved online. They didn’t know the routine and it was out of synch with what they are used to.
My little boy loves his routine. We very rarely get tantrums as he knows what’s coming next and what’s expected of him. He sometimes even asks if he can go up for a bath, as he’s tired, and he knows this is a logical progression to bedtime.
It’s not to say there shouldn’t be any spontaneity in life, there absolutely should, but most children will appreciate a bit of stability in their day-to-day. It will also give you time to plan out your day better. Who knows you might even be able to plan in some time to look after your mental health too? A nice bath, a run or even just a few minutes to drink a hot cup of tea with a magazine.
If you are looking for some more tips on how to look after your children’s mental health, Joanne Hutchinson has put together a brilliant guest blog with some additional ideas.
I’d love to hear how you’ve supported your child through the last 18 months and any changes you’ve had to make as a family. What have you learnt and what would you do differently?
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